Power over Fear

I've been reading a lot lately about things like creativity, courage, and fear. Something that I read stuck in my mind, and it was that the only thing holding us back from greatness is our own fears. The truth of that struck me and stayed with me long enough that I knew I would need to explore the topic further.

What is fear, exactly? Why are we afraid? Fear is the mind's response to dangerous stimuli to get our bodies moving. But what about when there are no life-threatening risks around? Why do we have fear then? I've often wondered how I can be so afraid of talking to a person I don't know, of driving somewhere I've never been, or to even look for a new job. These fears are not for our physical health, but our psychological well-being. If I talk to someone I don't know they could be dangerous, or I could end up looking stupid and being rejected. Social rejection hurts, and in order to avoid it I stay as far away from social events as possible. Driving somewhere I've never been, especially if I miss a turn, can make me nearly hyper-ventilate from fear. Getting lost is a big fear of mine. I suppose there is the safety aspect of it, but there is also having to deal with unfamiliar people and places. I have no sense of security in these places, no confidence. I'm afraid to look for a new job because I've been at my old one for so long that I am comfortable. I may dislike the place and many of the people, but I have job security. This is more than I could say for any new place I might happen to be hired on. Then we go back to the new people and new places and I am left feeling incredibly psychologically unsafe.

These fears hold me back from many opportunities. Like some people I know, I am afraid of change--even good change. However, other people I know embrace it. They get new jobs the moment they begin to look. They make friends quickly, are down with spontaneous road trips, and embrace life and all of the change it brings. I admire these friends. They also terrify me. This is because I know that if they are capable, so am I, and the only thing holding me back is myself.

With that realization, I understand that I need to challenge myself to overcome my fears. Or at least, to acknowledge them and use them to my advantage. The book I'm currently reading suggests that fear and excitement are the same emotion seen from different outlooks. That being said, I am going to issue a public challenge: both to myself and to any readers who feel that it may help them.

1. Identify your fears
2. Ask yourself questions until you get to the root of them
3. Embrace these fears and turn them into excitement
4. Move forward towards your goal

I have identified several of my own fears above. After asking myself questions (mostly 'why?'), I have gotten to a base point: I fear rejection (meaning I crave acceptance) and I fear a lack of control (insecurity of being lost, meaning I crave control, order, and confidence). In order to embrace these fears and turn them around, I have to rewire my thinking process.

Rejection on a social level is not something completely foreign to me. I experienced it through most of my teen and pre-teen years. And yet, I am still here. I made it through. I like to think that I am a strong, capable woman who doesn't need the praise of others. While everyone needs some praise and acceptance, I have lived much of my life as a loner and as long as I have my fiance`, I feel I could handle others rejecting me. What's the worst that could happen, if I talk to someone I don't know very well and end up looking silly? Just that: I'll look silly. So what? It won't hurt me, it could open me up as a target to someone who is immature enough to think that bullying is a good idea, but that's it. One of my best friends in school I got because I stood up to a bully for her in elementary. If I could do it then, nothing is stopping me now. Maybe I'll even challenge myself to talk to people outside of my comfort zone and prove to myself that I can do it.
(That is an example of turning your fear into excitement.)

Not having control over a situation can be scary, but if you learn to go with the flow it may not be necessary to have complete control. Adaptation is a survival skill that, once again, I'd like to believe I have. What better way to prove it to myself than to allow a situation to get out of my hands.. and then survive it anyway? Maybe I'll find something amazing like a hidden shop that is really a treasure trove of my favorite things, or a new way to get to somewhere I go often. I keep a city map in my car, and if worst comes to it I could always call my mother, who seems to know her way around everywhere, and get her to help me back to familiar territory. As far as I'm aware, we do not have any roads around here that end abruptly at a cliff's edge.. so I should be safe!

If you can talk yourself up like that about some fears that you have, you'd be amazed at what you feel you can accomplish. With that confidence, anything is possible!

If you can put fear aside, you're unstoppable.

Janet Hagberg, writer and activist

-Page 38 of The Twelve Secrets of Highly Creative Women by Gail McMeekin

Attempting Simplicity--without computers

I've not posted in a while, though I felt I should have many times. The reason behind this is that I took a deliberate break from the internet. I limited myself to 5-10 minutes online per day and spent the rest of my time doing enjoyable things.
I feel like this is something important that many people should do every now and then. Just unplug! During my absence, I was able to organize and pack the majority of the apartment, get a lot of cleaning, repairing, and painting done at the new house, and remember other things that I enjoy. My life was not always all about the internet, and in the past few weeks I've "come back to my roots". I read at least 6 new books, watched movies and TV shows with my roommates, started writing a new story (on paper), and spent more time in the kitchen. It's a nice, peaceful feeling I've acquired... and I hope to keep it.

I've also been looking into gluten-free cooking, though I've had to use the computer for that. I let myself 'cheat' a bit for this research, but I felt it was necessary. My fiance` cannot have gluten and he's fared just fine, but many of the foods I rely on are chock-full of the stuff. I've been eating so much of it lately that it's been making me feel a bit under the weather. I would love comments with ideas for gluten-free vegan cooking (especially things I can take 'on the go' to eat at work). Once I've found a fair few things, I'll share my findings for anyone else who is also interested in gluten-free vegan foods!

Positivity Tip: Get Another Perspective

Let's face it, sometimes it can be exceedingly difficult to stay positive--especially if you are around people who make it difficult. One thing you can do is to just stay away from them, but that isn't always an option. There are a few people in my life who put quite the strain on me sometimes, but I can't exactly escape them.
What do you do in this instance? Try to look at things in a different light! I'm still practicing this, but it helps more than you would expect. Changing your perspective can make it easier to deal with unpleasant or annoying people around you.
I'm going to illustrate this with two examples from my life:

The first person is one of my managers at work. About half of my shifts I have to work with him, and because of my job duties I am stuck constantly in close proximity to him and I am forced to rely on him to do certain things for me because of company policies. In the past, he has shown to be a bit of a misogynist (though he won't admit it), completely opposite of me in both religious and political leanings (therefore we have completely different ideas on how people should be treated), an egoist, and he likes to put down other people. He often ridicules the other managers, makes fun of the employees he is in charge of (many of which are teenagers), and is pretty much just a jerk a lot of the time. He is unreliable, doesn't pay attention to anything but his cell phone, and has a sense of humor that I just don't agree with.

As you can imagine, it is difficult for a happiness-focused person such as myself to be around him.
In order to get through the shifts with him, I have to utilize a few techniques to change my perspective. The first and most important is that I keep conversation light and happy. If he begins to talk about something I don't approve of, I ignore him. After a certain point, he gets the point and walks away, and later we resume conversation. Occasionally I will interject a comment to show that I disagree with him, but still keep the peace (some people really need the help/ he's home schooled, give him a break/ not everyone thinks that way) and move on. If things get to be more than that technique can diffuse, I remember something another manager once told me: "Can you image how hard it must be to be him?". This usually helps me to be more compassionate. I think about how he must have been raised to believe as he does, and to be so unrepentantly sure of his rightness. I think about how every other sentence he talks about his long distance girlfriend and how he's going to move as soon as he can find a job in her state. Yes, it must be hard to be him. I don't have to like him, but I can tolerate him. The last technique is only if the situation is becoming dire, because I pride myself on never losing my temper. That one is: just walk away. If my job duties allow me to, if I'm not in the middle of something important, I can always excuse myself and walk away. I go to the bathroom, walk around the store, talk to some other employees, and cheer up. With any luck, he will go off and actually do some work, and then I can return to what I was doing.


The second case is very different. The second person is actually my fiance's sister, who as I believe I have mentioned before, lives with us. I am naturally an introvert, I like things to be quiet and I like to stay at home. She on the other hand, is the most extroverted person I have ever seen. She must always be talking or doing something. If she's watching a show with her headphones in, she still laughs and makes comments on what she is watching. I've asked her several times and she says she isn't even aware of doing it, so there isn't really a chance of her stopping. Her laughing and talking is terribly distracting, both to myself and my fiance`, and keeps us from doing homework, reading, or writing because we cannot concentrate. Annoyingness aside, she also rarely cleans anything in the house except her own laundry, which includes cleaning up after her own dishes. She acts more like she is our child than a roommate who is supposed to be doing equal shares of everything. Again, frustrating. If Nik or myself are doing something other than just sitting around reading or playing a game, she asks us why. If I am cleaning, she asks why. If Nik is trying to work out, she asks why. If I am awake early in the day, she asks why I did not go back to sleep. These things are not simple questions in my view, because the tone she asks them in seems accusatory to me.
This case is very different than my manager because I love her to death. Sometimes, however, she is just a bit much to handle!

What do I do about it without hurting her feelings? The first thing I do is try to plan not to do anything that requires concentration while she is home/awake. I do what I need to do early or while she is at work.

Unfortunately she requested that her work schedule be virtually identical to Nik's (they work together), so he cannot utilize this technique. Instead, he and I also just try to do other things that we all enjoy. If she and I are alone in the house, I offer for us to watch a movie together or go to the thrift store. If Nik and she are together at home, he asks her to help him cook dinner, or they go play basketball together. When I get frustrated at her not helping around the house, sometimes I ask her to do something small (pick up the dishes in the lounge). This makes me feel better and perhaps her as well. Another technique I use is similar to the manager case. I think about what it is like to be her. She has been coddled her entire life, never really required to do much housework. She is moving in a month to live with a friend, and she doesn't know how to  pay bills or many of the other things that we take care of. It must be scary for her because she is a waitress and works for tips, and she will not longer have the safety net of us willing to pay more than our shares to make sure things work out. She is unobservant and probably doesn't even notice when the floor needs vacuuming or the dishes start to pile up (so long as they aren't in her way). She, like myself, doesn't like to get dirty and isn't really willing to take out the garbage on her own. These are all things that add up to make someone who needs to be taken care of. So while she can be annoying, if I think about all of these things it makes it a lot easier to understand her and deal with her. If nothing else, I also think: "She'll be moving in just a month!"

These two examples are on two different ends of the spectrum, and hopefully helped to convey my point. If anyone finds these useful or would like to share their own tips, please comment below!

The Importance of "To-do" Lists

My last post was about being productive, but now I want to talk about a way to get started on it! I used to try to do things without a list, and I ended up being very disorganized because of it. I would think about one task, jump to another, and then only start on that one before seeing something else I'd rather do. That just leaves everything in a big mess, with not much actually getting done!

While making a To-Do list may sound cheesy, it really works for me and countless others as well. But what makes a good to-do list? What should be on it? What order should things go in? This is the outline I follow to making a great list, and I nearly always get everything done on it!

1. Think about what things you need to do that day. Make sure you know which things are most important (washing dishes) and which things can wait until later (painting your nails). 
2. Consider what order you want to do things in. For instance, not only is dish washing probably more important than painting your nails, you probably want to do that first so you don't mess them up! 
3. Start your list. I like to put mine in chronological order and put other things in there that are easy so I can feel accomplished marking them off (like eating breakfast or checking facebook). 
4. Set time frames for each activity if you can, such as "10-11 AM" or "before lunch". This will help you keep on track. 
5. Give yourself a break. I like to take a break while eating lunch, but then get back to it! Especially if you don't have the entire day to do it (I work in the evenings so I have to get everything done in the morning). If this is the case, give yourself a little breathing time before you have to leave as well. No one wants to go straight from being productive at home to being productive at work. Take a rest, eat a snack, and take your time. =)

As an example, here is my list for today:

• Take Nik to work
• Eat Breakfast
• Take Georgia to work
• Start laundry
• Wash half the dishes
• Do a blog post
• Make/eat lunch, relax online
• Finish dishes
• Make dinner to take to work
• Type up two chapters of my story
• Get ready for work

Some things on there may seem unnecessary, but it's nice to cross things off! A sense of accomplishment can go a long way into motivating you to complete your list, or even make a larger list to do next time! You'd be amazed at what you can do in just a few hours, if you're actually motivated.

Does anyone else make "To-do" lists? How do they work for you?

Happiness tip: Be Productive!

I'm done with school for good now, and last week I resolved to do absolutely nothing. I didn't want to clean, to cook anything, to even do much reading besides for pleasure.
Sunday morning of that week I spent 6 hours finishing my last essay/exam and then didn't touch my computer for the rest of the night. Instead I actually spent the entire afternoon in the kitchen. My fiance` and I baked some gluten free vegan apple-cinnamon donuts, which were fantastic. Then we made sweet potato fries with cinnamon (we love cinnamon around here) and some real homemade vegan garlic bread for me. This all took a few hours, we made things one at a time and munched as we were cooking the next thing. After this we weren't hungry for a while so we spent a bit of time cleaning in the kitchen. By this time it was about 9pm, so it was definitely time for dinner. We made stuffed peppers (mine was vegan of course ;) ) which took a while, and then sat to enjoy them. Something I noticed was that I felt much better eating small amounts throughout the afternoon instead of one big meal halfway through! While I admitted that was more fun than it should have been, I still was determined not to do anything at all for the rest of the week.
Monday I woke up and got online and wasted the entire morning until it was time to go to work. I felt terrible. I had no energy, I felt icky, and I was hungry with no appetite. Monday night I needed an energy drink in order to function at work. The next day was almost identical.

Let's compare that to today. I woke up just before 9, got cleaned up and dressed, and took my fiance` to work. I came back, had a bit of breakfast, and then took his sister (she lives with us right now) to work. When I came home I did some important phone calls and emails relating to getting the correct degree for all of my work at university (that's a long story) and then came the waiting game. I'm actually still waiting to see if the changes are approved! Because I was waiting, I decided to do a load of laundry. I took the clothes down to the washer, came back up and went into the kitchen. I set a timer and then gathered all of the dishes (there were A LOT) on one side of the sink. I spent 30 minutes hand washing dishes, went to change the clothes into the dryer, came up and dried those dishes and began to wash more. An hour later, I had almost finished with them. And I felt great. I took a break for lunch and to blog a bit, and I will be going to finish the larger things, pots and pans that I had left for last. I've had a nice healthy lunch and I feel full of energy and just downright pleasant.

My lesson for today is that while it can be nice to do nothing every now and then, be wary that it can suck the energy and good feelings out of you like a vampire! When I finish these dishes I'm going to make something good to take to work for my dinner and be confident that I will not need an energy drink tonight.

If you're at home all day, Be Productive. Wash some dishes, vacuum, clean out your pet's living area, tend your garden, do a bit of exercise, anything to be up and moving! If you need to do something involving sitting or being on the computer, take frequent breaks to get up and bounce around, put on some music and dance to one song every half hour as a little break! I bet you'll get to feeling better in no time. ;)

Rediscover Your Passions

Here in the midst of my final exams, just one week before my intended graduation, I am not writing essays or studying. This is because I have rediscovered one of my old passions--writing. The sad thing is that I haven't yet begun to write... I've merely been reading about it! You heard me, reading about writing. I came across a blog authored by an author who is so very passionate that she shares her advice about writing with the world. And I am spellbound. I had to tear myself away from her articles (I've read at least 5 in the past hour) because I need to start dinner, but I'm getting ideas. The wheels are turning, and my mind is chomping at the bit to put pen to paper and just go! But I know myself, and I know what I must do in order to preserve the spark and still do what is necessary in my life. I'm jotting down key words, ideas, names.. and bookmarking articles of course. Then, I will get up, prepare dinner, and worry about these essays.
The reason I'm telling you this is because the mere idea of writing made me simply joyous. My heart began to race, my mind flipped through character base ideas faster than I could register them. In the background, while I was reading one of the articles, I had already decided to do a major rewrite on the novel I wrote a few years ago (I had presumed it was finished, now I realize I was mistaken). It was self published and never sold a copy that I didn't buy myself, so nobody think I'm famous or anything ;) but still it has a hook in me. Another part of me wants to discard the rewriting idea and just jump into something else new, and leave that for later. After all, it's already written. I already know what happens. A new story, I would be experiencing the adventure for the first time!

An important point to make here is that if you have something you are passionate about, don't put it on the back burner for too long. I haven't written seriously in a few years because of school and other hobbies, and I do deeply regret it. Don't let yourself have regrets like that! If you love something, find time to do it. If it is something creative, allow yourself to do some things that suck because that's just part of the process. If it is something else (I don't know, stamp collecting?) let yourself buy the silly novelty stamp that won't be worth much to your collection. But then also challenge yourself to find a rare one as well. If you do some crappy creative work, challenge yourself to do something better.. or better yet, take that mound of dirt and sculpt into a masterpiece! You learn more about yourself and, I've found, you enjoy yourself a lot more in the process. You feel a sense of fulfillment, of purpose, of peace.

If anyone is reading this, I challenge you to find (or reclaim) something you are intensely passionate about. If it is reading, seek out a new novel you've never read and dive in. If it is drawing, painting, writing, sculpting, photography, anything.. go out there and create something amazing! If you're collecting stamps, get doubles and use the extras to create a collage! Run an extra mile, develop a new route, begin a garden (it's not too late!).

Just do something that you are passionate about. Do something that makes you happy. You'll never regret it! :)

It's nice to meet you!

Hello there, it's a pleasure to meet you! =)
My name is Jo, but I go by the alias of Dym online. It has been my online nickname since about 2005, and I love it!
As of writing this post (April 2013) I'm 24 years old and about to graduate university with my Bachelor of Science degree in Geology and Environmental Studies (concentration in Environmental). I also have an Associate of Arts in the social sciences, so I feel like I have a grasp on people more than some others might.
I'm currently trying to get through the last bit of school and then plan my wedding! I live with my amazing fiance' Nik and his sister Georgia who is just a doll. We all get along quite well.. most of the time anyway ;) There is a bit of stress when you live with other people of course, but we do the best we can!

I used the url 'happydym' for this blog because, well, this is my road to happiness. It also rhymes with 'happy time', which I think will help people both remember how to pronounce Dym (dime, not dim!) and remind them to be happy as well!

I'm still working on school a lot right now, so posting may be sparce. However, I really expect a change in that soon as finals are past. Hang in there, I know I will!

If anyone wants to meet me, be friends, please feel free to post in the comments!

The Winds of Change

I've always loved new beginnings. When I was younger (and I still do, honestly), I always used to restart games over and over. I'd play Poke'mon until the third badge or so, then start over. I have always wanted to redo things until I get them right. I've always assumed that perfection in the beginning will ensure perfection in the end, and make the ride smooth.
But what I've failed to realize in the past is that every day is a new beginning. If you want to change your life, you can start now! You don't have to go back in time, you don't have to do anything drastic. Just be the kind of person you wish to be, think about your actions and words, and your life will change itself.
This blog, I hope, will be a record of my journey to positivity and absolute happiness in life. I've already made small changes--let's watch what happens! I also will be posting advice for others based on things I see, hear, read, and experience.
I hope you enjoy the journey as much as I plan to!

~~Dym