What is fear, exactly? Why are we afraid? Fear is the mind's response to dangerous stimuli to get our bodies moving. But what about when there are no life-threatening risks around? Why do we have fear then? I've often wondered how I can be so afraid of talking to a person I don't know, of driving somewhere I've never been, or to even look for a new job. These fears are not for our physical health, but our psychological well-being. If I talk to someone I don't know they could be dangerous, or I could end up looking stupid and being rejected. Social rejection hurts, and in order to avoid it I stay as far away from social events as possible. Driving somewhere I've never been, especially if I miss a turn, can make me nearly hyper-ventilate from fear. Getting lost is a big fear of mine. I suppose there is the safety aspect of it, but there is also having to deal with unfamiliar people and places. I have no sense of security in these places, no confidence. I'm afraid to look for a new job because I've been at my old one for so long that I am comfortable. I may dislike the place and many of the people, but I have job security. This is more than I could say for any new place I might happen to be hired on. Then we go back to the new people and new places and I am left feeling incredibly psychologically unsafe.
These fears hold me back from many opportunities. Like some people I know, I am afraid of change--even good change. However, other people I know embrace it. They get new jobs the moment they begin to look. They make friends quickly, are down with spontaneous road trips, and embrace life and all of the change it brings. I admire these friends. They also terrify me. This is because I know that if they are capable, so am I, and the only thing holding me back is myself.
With that realization, I understand that I need to challenge myself to overcome my fears. Or at least, to acknowledge them and use them to my advantage. The book I'm currently reading suggests that fear and excitement are the same emotion seen from different outlooks. That being said, I am going to issue a public challenge: both to myself and to any readers who feel that it may help them.
- Identify your fears
- Ask yourself questions until you get to the root of them
- Embrace these fears and turn them into excitement
- Move forward towards your goal
Rejection on a social level is not something completely foreign to me. I experienced it through most of my teen and pre-teen years. And yet, I am still here. I made it through. I like to think that I am a strong, capable woman who doesn't need the praise of others. While everyone needs some praise and acceptance, I have lived much of my life as a loner and as long as I have my fiance`, I feel I could handle others rejecting me. What's the worst that could happen, if I talk to someone I don't know very well and end up looking silly? Just that: I'll look silly. So what? It won't hurt me, it could open me up as a target to someone who is immature enough to think that bullying is a good idea, but that's it. One of my best friends in school I got because I stood up to a bully for her in elementary. If I could do it then, nothing is stopping me now. Maybe I'll even challenge myself to talk to people outside of my comfort zone and prove to myself that I can do it.
(That is an example of turning your fear into excitement.)
Not having control over a situation can be scary, but if you learn to go with the flow it may not be necessary to have complete control. Adaptation is a survival skill that, once again, I'd like to believe I have. What better way to prove it to myself than to allow a situation to get out of my hands.. and then survive it anyway? Maybe I'll find something amazing like a hidden shop that is really a treasure trove of my favorite things, or a new way to get to somewhere I go often. I keep a city map in my car, and if worst comes to it I could always call my mother, who seems to know her way around everywhere, and get her to help me back to familiar territory. As far as I'm aware, we do not have any roads around here that end abruptly at a cliff's edge.. so I should be safe!
If you can talk yourself up like that about some fears that you have, you'd be amazed at what you feel you can accomplish. With that confidence, anything is possible!
If you can put fear aside, you're unstoppable.
Janet Hagberg, writer and activist
-Page 38 of The Twelve Secrets of Highly Creative Women by Gail McMeekin
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